No Choice Without Consequence
by Sdebeli
Summary: It is said that actions speak louder than words, but without the motivations behind them, the image is never clear. And when sanity hangs by a thread in the midst of war, how important are the feelings of one child?
1. Welcome to Tokyo 3

'Counting the mistakes of our past, we at times pray for a second chance to set everything straight. What we oft forget, in our empty wishes, is that what has occurred made us who we are, for better or worse, and that change, regardless of how positive and well-meaning it may be, may bring worse consequences than we could have possibly foretold.

On the other hand, everything could turn out okay, with birds chirping and the sun shining, but then again, such things are the spice of life, aren't they?

A friend once told me that it wasn't courage not to feel fear of tomorrow, but to face it head on, knowing all the horrors it will bring. At the time, I laughed, thinking him overly cynical and pessimistic, even for the times we lived in. Nowadays, not nearly as much.'

'_Remembrance', excerpt from the memoirs of former U.N. agent Ryoji Kaji_

_۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔  
_

_Floating in an ocean of white nothingness and light, two mostly human figures faced each other. The features were blurred by the light, but it was easy to tell that the smaller one was male, while the larger was female, if by nothing else, by their shapes._

"_So, what happens now?" the smaller one asked, voice quiet and contemplative, and yet perfectly heard in the silence around them._

"_That is up to you. Take as much time as you need to decide." The larger female responded. It was strange to tell the exact sizes, or distance, for the simple fact that there was nothing there to give a definite perspective, but at least to the male, she gave off the feeling of being larger than him… and probably not without reason. _

_Several times, he opened his mouth, and closed it soon after, reconsidering what he was about to say, still uncertain. After what had seemed an eternity, he responded._

"_I choose…" was all he managed to say, before his voice was drowned in static, as reality itself bleed away into nothingness around them._

_No Choice Without Consequence_

_A Neon Genesis Evangelion fanfiction_

_Chapter First_

_Welcome to Tokyo-3_

A young man opened his eyes aboard the train to Tokyo-3, taking only a cursory look at his surroundings before he closed them again. His appearance was unassuming, but neat: brown hair, soft features, a plain white shirt and black pants. On the empty seat next to him, he had placed his duffle bag which contained pretty much everything he needed, which in turn wasn't much: a few changes of clothes, several tapes for his SDAT player, which he was even now listening, and finally, the papers that he needed.

The journey would have been boring, were it not for the constantly playing music coming from his earphones, and the occasional nap.

'_It is your decision to make, Ikari-kun. But know, just because one wishes, doesn't mean one can succeed.'_ A ghostly voice echoed in his mind, once more refusing him peaceful slumber.

He had taken the time to mull over the meaning of the word written on the paper that he had received, the invitation coming from the man he could call father only very loosely. If the word 'come' constituted as an invitation, that is. He was uncertain as to what passed through the mind of Gendo Ikari, and it was probably better that way.

"To all passengers, we will be arriving at the Tokyo-3 station in five minutes." The automated voice of the train announcer sounded. Absently, he noted it to be a female voice, even though it was obviously synthetic.

'_Will anything change, I wonder?'_ he thought quietly as the journey continued. He couldn't see the city yet, but the train was rather fast, so that was hardly an issue.

Slowly, he withdrew the package he received, consisting of the one word message, a photo of Misato Katsuragi wearing not quite much, and a small ID card. The photo on the last one surprised him, now that he thought about it, considering that it had been taken less than a week ago, and interred into school records then. The word NERV was prominently marked on the small piece of plastic.

He placed the card in his breast pocket, before getting up and walking towards the exit of the train, observing as Tokyo 3 came into sight.

۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔

In the slowly fading light of the late afternoon, it was still magnificent, even if it looked nothing like a true metropolis right now. From his point of view, the only visible part was the periphery with its low buildings and houses.

He didn't pay much attention to that, but to the fact that the city was empty, and that the person that was supposed to be picking him up wasn't there yet.

"We are sorry, due to the special state of emergency no lines are currently available. This is a recording."

Which helped too, he irately thought putting back the receiver of the phone into place. What was the point of having public phones available if they didn't work during a state of emergency when they were most needed? _'Oh, because of the fact that the population is supposed to have been evacuated at this time. Right.'_

For a moment, at the edge of his peripheral vision he noticed a female figure he could not recognize, even if she seemed eerily familiar. The almost spectral figure vanished the moment he had chosen to focus on it, the only thing remaining etched in his mind being her ghostly smile.

The whole situation was vaguely nostalgic, until a cacophony of sounds began rising over the ever present buzzing of the cicadas. Turning, he could see several VTOLs slowly retreating from something, which was moments later revealed to be a colossal monstrosity.

A humanoid being the size of a skyscraper, garishly colored, and with a bone-white mask constituting its face walked forward, ignoring the continuous fire from the many weapons the JSSDF brought forth, but its gait was slow, even for a titan of its size. Its appearance was humanoid only in the vaguest of senses, its thin, gangly arms disproportional to the rest of its body, while the face was standing above what seemed to be a flowing crimson sphere. It was a figure that inspired a very base horror in him, the feeling he could liken to what he imagined a mouse felt while looking up to the cat that hunted it.

As one VTOL failed to retreat far enough, the creature's arm rose, the palm of its three-fingered hand pointing at it as a long spike thrust from it, impaling the vessel, and causing its unused munitions and fuel to explode. It wasn't necessary, either from his, or likely the being's point of view as well, merely a show of power to display that it _could _and _would_ destroy anything it saw as a threat or dared stand in its way.

He had not been idle.

'_And its name was Sachiel.' _he mouthed silently, eyes locked at the walking avatar of death and destruction.

There was no need to school his features into shock or fear, both was there already. Regardless of how he had prepared himself, the very image before him struck at him with sheer wrongness. Every part of his mind screamed at him that something that large _should not exist_, however, that didn't help that much, considering that it was walking right in front of him.

A salvo of missiles whistled above him, each flying towards the giant in a complicated trajectory, easily avoiding the buildings until they struck home, detonating on impact, and shrouding the figure in smoke and fire… to little apparent effect. Another VTOL was instantly destroyed by the extending spike, and this one, he realized, not only failed to explode… but was also heading straight for him.

Indeed, it was as good a time as any to start running really fast in the opposite direction.

۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔

Driving her new car with her usual gusto, Misato Katsuragi was doing all in her power to keep herself relatively calm, despite the chaos around her. Well, it didn't take _that_ much effort, but she was worried about the person she was supposed to pick up.

Of all the times to be stuck, it had to be today, when the Angel finally decided to show up. Couldn't they invite the Third Child at a more convenient time? Such as, say, a week ago?

If it wasn't asking to be fired, she would have given a piece of her mind to Commander Ikari.

Shaking it off, she raised one hand to set her sunglasses in place, before turning her thoughts to what she had read of Shinji Ikari.

NERV's Section 2 had kept surveillance over a number of individuals that were either considered a potential threat, or a potential resource, and among them was the son of Gendo Ikari. The file was surprisingly sparse, noting only a few facts apart for his date of birth, designation as 'Third Child' and photo. The note of 'Attention: possible mental issues' did not speak highly of him, but considering exactly where she was working, and how many of those present there, starting with the boss himself, should, and probably _did_ have the same warning attached, she decided not to be overly judgmental without first meeting him. She was quite certain her own file had one as well.

"Why did I let Ritsuko persuade me into doing this?" she questioned herself, shrugging lightly as she pulled a maneuver that would probably have her passengers trying to hold in their lunch, if she had any, effortlessly pulling between two abandoned cars with barely any room for maneuvering.

But it was a pointless question, and she knew it. She did it because it was her job, and because with the chaos, she was probably the _only_ person who could actually afford to leave NERV's command center.

Behind her glasses, her eyes widened as she pulled the last turn, and realized that her ward was currently running for his life, trying to escape a falling craft going straight in his direction. All thought fled her mind as she pushed the gas pedal down.

"Sorry for having made you wait for me. Get in!" the women he recognized as m… no, captain Misato Katsuragi called from her car as it slid behind him, standing barely inches from the crashed VTOL. If he still wasn't feeling the effect of an adrenaline rush that ensured his continued survival, he would likely whistle in appreciation of the feat of skill.

"That sounds like a good idea." He hastily agreed, jumping into the car, which momentarily sped off, barely avoiding being crushed by a giant foot.

Seconds later, Shinji finally felt himself relax a bit. A small bit, considering that Misato's driving skills stole much of the comfort the feeling of escaping one's doom would normally bring.

"Well, it's about time for introductions, don't you think? I'm…" Misato began, using one hand to remove the glasses from her eyes, while turning shortly to beam a small smile at her ward.

"Captain Misato Katsuragi, chief tactical officer of NERV Japan?" Shinji offered, smiling politely. Before she could ask, obviously shocked, how he knew, he chuckled lightly "I was informed who would be picking me up in the letter, miss Katsuragi. I am Shinji Ikari." He finished off his own introduction, at the time doing his best to keep his eyes locked on the one thing that would not induce a need for vomiting: Misato herself. Her face, to be more precise.

"Mah, just call me Misato. I prefer to keep things informal, Shinji-kun." She commented a few moments later, to a mild chuckle from the boy, who suddenly paled, quickly turning towards the back.

"Uhm… Misato-san… why are the VTOLs suddenly pulling away from the big scary monster?" he asked quietly. Misato pulled over, turning back very and quickly pulling out her small binoculars.

There was just enough time for one eloquent word, before she dove, grabbing and covering Shinji with her own body.

"Shit."

۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔

"Electromagnetic interference has been reduced to acceptable levels. Pattern type blue still present."

"Dammit!" a man in military uniform cursed as the pencil in his hand snapped. Hidden inside the safety of the Geofront, the commanding officers of the JSSDF tried to defeat the advancing Angel. 'Tried' being the key word here. The military forces were being obliterated with minimal effort, and there was only one last resort left before they would have to surrender authority to _him_.

And now, as the smoke had cleared, the figure was still there, very much alive, if only wounded. The bird-like mask that was its face was partially broken, pushed to the side of the gaping wound, but already, a second 'face' was already forming to replace it.

"Hm. Regenerative properties confirmed." From a safe distance, Gendo Ikari, the commander of NERV Japan commented to his companion, as if the entire situation was little more than some entertaining pastime.

"Indeed. Still, we are now certain that they have returned. Though the timing couldn't be worse." Next to him, Kozo Fuyutsuki retorted calmly.

"Never tempt fate sensei." Gendo spoke, the barest hint of fatigue escaping into his voice. Behind the almost opaque, orange-tinted glasses, behind the eyes that hid beneath them, another battle was taking place. And yet, he retained his calm, if only on the surface. "It could still get worse." He added moments later.

"You seem to have an idea…?" the older of the two questioned.

Gendo never responded, opting to remain silent for a minute or two more before he would interrupt the slowly panicking generals, and assume command. Mentally counting down, he closed his eyes, bringing his left hand to massage the bridge of his nose shortly, before replacing his glasses at their proper place.

۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔

The past fifteen minutes, now that he thought about them, were probably some of the more entertaining in his life, and reminded him of better days. And the small leaflet he was currently reading did everything in its power to remind him exactly why they were better.

The pamphlet, designated 'eyes only', served as an introduction to newcomers to NERV, though it was a very limited read, mentioning very little of what actually happened beyond what was considered public knowledge. A general description of the Geofront, a bit on the chain of command, something on the structures… but nothing on the really important parts. Nothing whatsoever. A part of him wondered just what Gendo Ikari had planned with this sort of introduction. Was it to inspire fear and awe into newcomers? Or simply to control the amount of information available. _'A subject for later thought.'_ He mused silently, enjoying the view around him, and only snapping his eyes back to the pamphlet occasionally.

Ever since boarding the car train, he had the pleasure of observing the interior of the Geofront in all its glory, bathed in the glow of the afternoon sun. He was loathe to say it, but if one good thing came of the second impact, it was the color of the sky during nightfall. A shame that it had to come at the price of several billion lives…

On the other hand, contrary to the completely relaxed teen, Misato was growing slightly anxious and tense. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but Shinji was acting somewhat strangely… it wasn't his reactions, at least not fully, for he had been genuinely frightened both by the Angel and by the explosion of the N-2 mine, but the way he looked at the small booklet she had given him was off. He wasn't curious, nor worried, but mostly entertained, and he watched the scenery outside, but eyes constantly shifted left and right, as if looking for something specific, then focusing on a small point shortly before moving on.

"It sure is peaceful here." He off-handedly commented, breaking her out of her thoughts.

"Uhm." She agreed, smiling slightly yet again. "It is."

"Anything you can tell me about why I was called here? The letter was… vague." Shinji asked, a slight frown covering his lips.

"Sorry… I can't tell you anything yet." Misato retorted. "But we'll be there in a few minutes, so don't worry."

The slight frown never left his face as he turned away. _'Is it always like this? Or do I just pay attention to things now?'_

Soon enough, the image beyond him was replaced by the tube of the track as the car train entered closed space. It finally stopped a further minute later, depositing the duo at the interior of the NERV base.

As far as Misato was concerned, the awkwardness had lasted too long for her tastes. She didn't like awkwardness, it led to tension, and later to problems, unless resolved on time. And as far as she understood, this boy was going to be under her command at some point later on. Unresolved issues caused problems. You did not want to have problems with your subordinates when said subordinates piloted twenty meter high engines of chaos and destruction. Common sense dictated that such things were likely to end badly. And she liked living, thank you very much.

"Come on Shinji, let's get you to meet your father. Then we can get this whole mess sorted out. Okay?" she offered as kindly as she could. She almost overheard the quiet snort the boy had made. Considering how his father had spoken of Shinji… not overly surprising.

"Somehow I doubt things will be so simple, Misato-san." He commented, his voice reduced to complete apathy as the rest of his emotions fled from his face. "Lead the way."

Not for the first time today, Misato wished she had a beer at her disposal. Or ten.

"Misato-san… are you sure we are going in the right direction? You're holding that map upside down?"

"Oops…" she chuckled uncomfortably. Ten beers it was.

۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔

To the tired mind of doctor Ritsuko Akagi, the day was far from over. If the entire mess caused by the failed activation test only a short while ago wasn't enough, she now had to prepare Unit-01 for a sortie… and they weren't even sure it would even activate, let alone be capable of fighting.

Getting out of the pool of coolant liquid, she slowly took off the diving suit that had protected her skin, and put on a lab coat over the rather modest one piece that protected her modesty.

"Maya, any news from Misato? She's late." The faux blonde asked her assistant.

"None yet sempai. Apart from calling in the car train, she's yet to call or show up." The girl responded, following the doctor towards the door.

"God…" she murmured, biting back the curse she wanted to loose. "Maya, please check where they are, would you?"

"Sure thing…. MAGI reports that they are in corridor H-1, heading towards the elevator." Maya quickly responded, after checking on the nearby terminal.

"Come on. Let's go and meet them before Misato somehow finds her way back to the streets. Or worse." Ritsuko spoke in a mixture of amusement and irritation, while her younger colleague merely giggled in response.

'_Well, at least we found the elevators.'_ Shinji mentally noted. He wasn't certain whether he was irritated or simply tired, but he guessed it didn't matter that much. For all his memory served him, there were still things that were blank, and while he was uncertain how much he cared , time was not infinite. Whatever choice he made, he needed to be there on time.

Moving his hand to press the call button for the elevator, he was mildly surprised to have it open before him, revealing two very familiar figures.

"Ritsuko! We were just about to take the elevator down." Misato explained, a full smile on her face as she obviously hoped to placate her friend. Dr. Ristuko Akagi, on the other hand, wasn't looking as content.

"You got lost again, didn't you?" she cut her off shortly.

"Not you too Rits. I only got here a few days ago, and this place is a maze!" the woman complained, nearly pouting. The scientist merely shook her head before turning to the teen walking alongside her.

"And you must be Shinji. I'm doctor Ritsuko Akagi." She offered, extending a hand to Shinji. While it was mostly a western greeting, sine the times of the Second Impact, such things had easily spread across what remained of civilization.

"A pleasure, I hope, doctor." Shinji spoke politely in turn, accepting her hand.

"Hm… nothing like his father." Ristuko commented amusedly to her friend. The question of whether that was a good thing remained unsaid.

"Now, would someone please tell me why I was called here?"

"I'll do you one better." The scientist responded. "You haven't told him much, have you Misato?"

As Misato shook her head lightly in response, Ristuko made a pleased smile.

۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔

The massive chamber before him was completely dark, though he could tell a massive, if unclear shape before him. The catwalk under his feet seemed to be above some sort of liquid. Coolant, if memory served. Suddenly, the lights turned on, revealing the face of what he remembered to be.

"This Shinji, is the Ultimate All-Purpose Humanoid Decisive Battle Weapon developed by humanity. The artificial human, Evangelion. That is Eva-01. Its construction carried out in complete secrecy, it is our - humanity's - final trump card." Ristuko explained in a hushed, reverent voice.

"And this would be my father's work? The part that isn't in the manuals?" Shinji asked slowly. His eyes had widened only slightly at the familiar sight, the control having slipped just enough at the vision of his old nemesis and savior. Now, more than ever, _her_ words rang true.

"Correct." A hauntingly familiar, sharp voice confirmed it from above. Behind a pane of bulletproof glass, he spied the figure of the man who had invited him here.

"It's been a while." From his position above, Gendo Ikari stated, his voice carried over by the speakers. Shinji was apparently not impressed.

"Not long enough if you ask me." He retorted calmly. "Could you at least have the decency to be clear on why you have invited me here father?"

From his falcon's perch, father studied son with veiled interest. The Marduk Report was off. These were not the actions of a psychologically and socially crushed child begging for approval. He had looked at him not as a superior, but as an equal, and that notion by itself had worrying undertones. Had he not been who he was, he would have smiled at the fact.

"It was inconvenient to write it down." He said simply, before responding to his question. "You were called here to pilot Evangelion Unit-01."

"A tempting offer. And should I refuse?" Shinji offered sarcastically in turn. It was a game, he realized, to Gendo. His old man was completely interested in how he would respond to his provocations and prodding. But, therein lay the problem. What would he do next? If memory served…

Shaking his head in disappointment, Gendo turned to the figure on his right. "Prepare the First Child. The Third is obviously not willing to pilot. Dr. Akagi, reconfigure Unit-01 to accept Pilot Ayanami."

"Are you certain about this Commander?" Fuyutsuki questioned, his voice barely loud enough to be heard over the speakers.

"She is not dead yet." He responded flatly, turning his back. He had made his move, now he would have to wait for the response. This one move made more difference than any other.

Shinji calmly waited to see what was going to happen. Ristuko had already ran off to start reconfiguring the Evangelion, while Misato was looking concerned as to the situation. In the relative distance, he saw medics pushing in a gurney that carried the half-comatose body of the First Child, Rei Ayanami.

'_Ah yes, nothing better than emotional blackmail to pull on a child.'_ He thought with mild amusement, before he sobered. _'Forgive me for being a coward, Rei. I was afraid. Too afraid. Not anymore.'_

Sighing quietly, he took a step, and stopped the gurney, now facing completely away from the commander. He looked down on Rei Ayanami's tired face, its normally calm appearance twisted by great amounts of pain. She was tired, he realized, afraid, but still willing to do what was expected of her. For she had nothing else.

Or did she? Shame had filled him when he realized that in his pain and grief, he had closed himself to the outside world, ignoring those around him. Three names came up in particular, three lives he could have made better, even saved perhaps, if he could have found the strength to do so. Three people, he realized, he in truth knew very much, yet very little about.

His shame stopped him from feeling anger, and he knelt down next to her, before whispering softly

"Rest now, First Child. I will shoulder your burden until your strength returns."

The girl's single visible eye widened slightly, the only show of her surprise, but regardless of it, she did relax. He turned around, having prepared a scathing remark to deliver, but he was interrupted by the sound of an explosion from above. The earth shook as pieces of concrete were ripped from the ceiling, falling down towards them. There was no time to react, to move away. Even if he did, Ayanami would be crushed, and for some reason, it felt _wrong_ to him to let it happen. And so he waited, not for a moment taking his eyes away from Ayanami. If it were to be his last sight, at least it would be of something better than a ten ton rock falling upon him.

Except, it never happened. His mind retained enough awareness to put together the fact that the Evangelion Unit-01 had lifted its hand, deflecting the rock, and now covering him and Ayanami safely. This time, he couldn't help the smile that formed on his lips.

"Get her to safety!" he shouted to the medics close by, helping push away the gurney. Like it or not, he had accepted this burden. Straightening up, he turned to the now very calm Misato. "Captain Katsuragi, get me inside that thing."

۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔

"We are no longer needed here sensei." Gendo serenely commented as he turned away from the sight of the Eva cages and of his son acting drastically different from what he should have been.

"You seem unperturbed by this development." Sub-commander Fuyutsuki stated more than asked, taking his place beside Gendo as the two of them walked away to the command platform.

"It is somewhat unexpected, but not outside my expectations. In fact, it will only be beneficial." He retorted. "Come now. I look forward to seeing what the Third Child is capable of."

"But… he hasn't had any combat training…" the older man protested weakly, frozen in place.

"Your point being?" Gendo asked with mild amusement in his voice, before walking onward.

'_He expected this…' _Kozo Fuyutsuki finally realized, his shock only thinly veiled as he followed quickly. _'What else are you hiding Gendo?'_

_۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔  
_

He ignored the sound and feeling of the rising fluid around him, breathing it out before taking it in almost by reflex. It did little to disturb him. Quietly he nodded at every instruction that the captain and doctor were giving him, taking it in, but mostly ignoring as he reminded himself of the task ahead of him.

It was not difficult to remember the flood of conflicting emotions that had almost broken his self-control on his way here. Seeing Misato, alive, cheerful, as he preferred to remember her, after he had left her behind… his first reaction had almost been to rush and hug her, tears streaming down his face. Even after all that had happened, she had stood with him, she had given him strength, and it was something he would not forget.

Rei had been a bit more surprising. In the final days he had come to fear her, casting away everything that had grown between them to his own weakness and cowardice. He had turned away from her, and yet, she had fearlessly sacrificed her life for him. In the end, it was she that had given him the choice, not Lilith. She that had wrested control of everything from his father. _She that had saved him._

Asuka he had not seen yet, but he could still hear her. Her haughty voice that hid the broken child behind. Despite everything she did to him, she had in many ways been an inspiration, and she had helped him push forward when he needed it the most. His actions at the end… the term self-loathing only vaguely began to express what he felt for himself at that.

Names strung themselves up, one by one, each time remembering what they had done. Maya Ibuki, Shigeru Aoba, Makoto Hyuga, the bridge crew that had more than once pulled his hide out of the fire. Ryoji Kaji, who had been by many accounts his mentor and father-figure. Even Ritsuko, who had dirtied herself no less than he did, had many times helped him

He was afraid, because he knew the weight this first battle carried. He feared the very real possibility of dying. But the pain? The thing that had frightened him the most? That was gone. Pain was the least of his concerns now. He had accepted it, for better or worse, it was the price he was willing to pay.

He would not rely on her, not this time. He would win this battle on his own strength and will. _'I must not run away. I __**will**__not run away. That option ceased to exist a long time ago. This is no longer just about me… forgive me mother, but our meeting must wait a while longer.'_

_

* * *

_

**Author's Notes: **And cut.

I'm not going to say anything about the story, the secrets, and what not. Mostly because it would ruin the intentional vagueness I've decided to implement.

A further note on the story: there will be no bashing. Bad opinions of certain characters on others? Yes. Bashing? No. Keep in mind that this doesn't mean that, say, Asuka will start being all nice. It isn't in her character. But she won't be a complete demon either.

This story serves both as a vent for my creative energies and as a personal experiment to see if I can portray psychologically darker characters. By 'darker', I don't mean evil, sarcastic, cynical, but troubled. Characters with issues big enough to break people into pieces. And frankly, NGE is the ideal playing ground for that.

I also wanted to play with another concept that has been alluded to, but not stated anywhere. I doubt you will have much trouble laying your own theories.


	2. Baptism by Fire

'Battle? *snort* It was a massacre, at least for the time we fought that thing. We threw everything we had, from bullets to the goddamn N-2 mine at it. Nothing happened. We might as well have tried to send the pencil-pushers to stop, *laugh* they might have slowed it down more with red tape. We lost a lot of men, not to mention the total damage. I'd go and drown any though of this nightmare in beer, but somehow I doubt I would forget that monstrosity so calmly walking as if nothing in the world could stop it.

*several seconds of silence, interrupted by the sound of swallowing.*

But that kid, merciful heavens, that kid. The kind of shit he pulled there you only see in movies. Good movies, you know? Where the good guys win at the end? If he was of legal age, I'd buy him a drink right now. He saved all of our hides.'

Classified record of the oral report of Sergeant First Class Sogo Imahara, JSSDF Airforce

_*Side notice attached to the tape - Start investigation on potential information leaks from within NERV._

_۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔_

_No Choice Without Consequence_

_Chapter Second_

_Baptism by Fire_

'_Hm… now there's a familiar sight.'_ The half-dormant mind of Shinji Ikari mused at the sight above him, that of a blank, white ceiling. Slowly pulling himself up from his bed, he noted that he was in what was likely the NERV hospital within the Geofront, deep beneath the surface.

Looking around without much interest, he tried to wake himself up. It was a small room he found himself in, but comfortable regardless. The daylight that came from the outside was very real, and even the breeze surging from the open window created the illusion that it was a truly open space rather than a massive cavern underground.

'_How did I end up here though?'_ the question only slightly bothered him. Truly, it wasn't as if the powers that be could actually afford to have him die. For the time being, anyway…

A cursory inspection revealed that both of his hands were covered with bandages, though they were still somewhat mobile. Perhaps to stop him from moving them too much as they recovered from the phantom wounds? The distinct lack of pain, combined with the fact that he felt no numbness seemed to indicate that was the case. His hands though, felt like he had ants crawling on them. Irritating bit, that.

The relative silence, however, did not last long. In the distance, it wasn't overly difficult to hear the slight clicking of a pair of heels. He didn't bother thinking much about it. The whole point of resting was to recover, and the idea of straining himself needlessly, physically or mentally, didn't really appeal to Shinji that much. He'd find out either way.

Letting himself fall back onto the bed, his eyes closed as he began sinking back into memory.

'_I failed.'_ The words echoed in his mind. Strangely, he didn't feel anything about them.

_۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔_

"Are you sure that's all Akagi-san?" Shinji asked one more time, already knowing the answer.

"I've given you everything we have. I'm sorry, but the data is extremely limited." The faux-blond responded quickly. "The only weapon we're managed to make operational is the progressive knife in your left shoulder pylon."

"Alright." He uttered softly, slowly closing his eyes.

He felt it close by, the anxiety, anticipation and just a hint of the endless rage that lay concealed beneath. No longer listening, Shinji did his best to calm himself down, taking slow breaths. Nothing in the world could prepare a human being for the event that was about to follow. He could only imagine how Asuka and Rei had handled it, the disorienting, if slight, loss of awareness of time and space, the fading of one's identity into that of the beast contained within the metal shell. And that was only at the lower levels, before the sensations began to flow _both _ways.

"Absolute Borderline crossed. Synchronization stabilizing"

'_**Are**__ you afraid?'_

"Synchronization stable at 45.23%. Wait, 47.11%."

'_Are __**you**__ afraid?'_

"All systems are green, Eva Unit-01 is ready for launch"

'_Are you __**afraid**__?'_

"Launch Eva Unit-01!"

'_My fear is not important. Are you afraid?'_

Absolute silence reigned for a moment, as the bridge crew waited for the final phase of launch sequence to complete itself, and for the MAGI to lift the unit up to the surface.

'_No.'_

The platform that carried the Eva launched, and the G-forces started tearing at his body, only partially cushioned by the liquid that surrounded him. The sensation was jarring, forcing him to remain awake and focused.

'_Then I shall drown my fear as well.'_

He clutched the butterfly handles tightly, enough so that the skin on his hands turned white. Focus, he needed focus in this short time before the battle started. He couldn't afford to give himself time to think things over even shallowly.

'_And your rage?'_

The final hatch opened, revealing the night sky above. The platform finally reached surface, depositing the mighty engine of destruction near what was to be its first battlefield

"Disengage restraints, Unit-01 ready to engage Angel."

'_Partake of it as you will.'_

A strange calmness descended upon him as he observed the enemy. The wait had come to an end, and with it his thoughts fled quickly as his mind prepared itself for conflict, instincts far older than he coming into life screaming. A part of him wanted nothing more than to run and hide, but he ruthlessly crushed it, letting the _other_ part out to the surface. As the restraining bolts fell off, and he made his first tentative movements, he could feeling his breathing slowly quickening.

'_So be it.'_

_۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔_

It was fascinating to watch just as much as it was frightening.

Until now, the threat of the Angel's return was a no more than a shadow looming far beyond the horizon. With the approach of the designated Third Angel, that threat became every bit as real as the specter of the Second Impact.

And they, in their infinite wisdom, sent an untrained child to face it.

The sole survivor of the Katsuragi expedition shivered, but kept her eyes focused to the displays. She had to be strong now, not just for herself, but for the boy who was out there risking his life for them. Now was not the time to think of such issues, but to harden one's heart and do all within one's power to ensure victory.

"Shinji, can you get ahold of walking?"

"_I think so. The movement is a bit sluggish though."_

"That's because your synch ratio is only in the high forties." Ristuko immediately added. "Nothing that we can do about it now, though…"

"_Understood. Is the progressive knife ready?"_

"Target is beginning to move. Repeat, target is beginning to move."

"_Unit-01 moving to engage!"_ Shinji responded just before the video feed was suddenly cut off and replaced by static.

_۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔_

Standing amidst the remaining buildings, the two titans observed each other calmly, each waiting for a moment's weakness to strike.

Shinji watched the battlefield from the plug with a strange sense of detachment, as if this entire ordeal was happening to someone else rather than him, only keeping enough of his mind focused to respond to the command crew while everything else was concentrated on seeking out a usable opening that would let him hit the core unopposed.

But, _something_ had changed. Sachiel, the Third Angel that he remembered was a lumbering behemoth, powerful, but slow.

Before him, the Angel crouched, breaking into a quick run. He could see how the leg muscles bulged, reconfiguring themselves rapidly and increasing mass. The effect was obvious, as it moved much faster, rearing its overly long left hand to strike straight at the Evangelion.

"Unit -01 moving to engage!" he quickly spoke, never noticing a slight echo to his voice as he charged forward to meet the Angel head on.

'_Come on… just make that mistake…'_ he thought, waiting to abuse the opening he aimed to create. As the enemy charged in, he moved to sidestep, missing the heavy-handed hit barely. Turning around, he pulled his right hand at the shoulder pylon that contained the progressive knife, unsheathing the weapon, and spinning back for a cut at the Angel's right shoulder.

As much as the first change had surprised Shinji, the attack had caught the Angel off-guard. But it was a one-time chance, it would not underestimate him again. The blade bit deeply into the right shoulder, cutting through much of it and almost severing the arm altogether.

Without wasting a single moment to dislodge the blade, he pushed it deeper, while kicking at the knee from the back.

_۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔_

"He is interestingly good at this." Fuyutsuki commented idly. Whatever it was that Gendo had expected, he didn't seem surprised in the least.

As the video feed showed Unit-01 slamming its armored foot into the back of the Angel's knee, forcing the beast to fall down, Gendo retained a slightly disinterested air, keeping his steepled fingers to conceal his lips, but there was no smile on them. _'He didn't plan for this… though did he expect more, or less?'_

He spared the commander no more attention, focusing instead on the screen above them. The command crew was in chaos, trying to restore the video feed from the plug, and even if the audio persisted, it was almost completely silent, giving away merely the sound of moving LCL.

The data feeds however, were perfectly clear. While he couldn't claim that he understood some of the more complex details, he knew enough to know that Shinji Ikari was anything but normal. No one wanted to mention it though, is it was that boy that stood between them and a rather unpleasant end. After all, beggars can't be choosers.

'_With a stable synchronization ratio that keeps slowly improving with each passing minute, he easily trumps Rei as a pilot. He was easily at 45 when he first entered, and now he's at 50. And his combat skills aren't to be underestimated… he's obviously seen more than a few brawls. So, why didn't Section 2 report any of it? Nothing is making any sense.'_

Before his eyes, yet another strange event came to sight. As the Angel turned its two-masked face towards the Eva, either it or its pilot _knew_ to dodge, well before even the MAGI could pick up the energy buildup from its eyes, barely side-stepping the blast of energy unleashed at them… a blast that effortlessly went through several buildings behind the Eva, leaving holes that would have easily pierced through the armor, before expanding into a cross shape.

_۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔_

Silently cursing his own foolishness, Shinji prepared for the turning of the battle. Sachiel was angry now, and the very fact that he had already resorted to using _that_ was enough to warn him that things were about to change again. His only advantage was his planning, as the reaction time was still too slow to accommodate full combat.

He remembered how the Eva survived the blast untouched, but that was not for its armor, but for the AT field.

'_Are you still certain your own strength will suffice? Are you certain you do not wish for mine as well?'_

The Angel rose, undaunted by the damage it had suffered, turning once more its full attention at the Evangelion. Cautiously, Shinji retained his guard, holding the progressive knife in hand while he waited for the Angel to make the first move again.

He didn't get the luxury of a second mistake… Sachiel had learned. Without giving him any further time to plan, its eyes lit up with an unearthly glow, before a second blast was fired at him… and this time it had enough room to expand so that he couldn't dodge it properly…

_۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔_

"Shinji!" Misato screamed as the blast obscured the entire figure of the Evangelion Unit-01. The terror was born of many things, her own fears, responsibilities, the fact that she had come to possess a modicum of respect for the boy who entered the fray _knowing_ the risks it imposed on him.

Ruefully, as she waited for the image to clear, she reminded herself that childhood was not a luxury a pilot of the Evangelion would be able to afford. She reminded herself that she might have to sacrifice him to stop one of the Angels that would come, and she knew there would be more. Everyone at NERV did.

"AT-field detected originating from Unit-01!" Lt. Ibuki announced from her post. "All vitals are stable, but the umbilical cable has been severed."

"_Goddamit!"_ an angry, pained shout sounded over the remaining audio link, before the smoke cleared, revealing Unit-01, alive and with its arms held vertically in front of its head and upper torso to protect itself. The armor had been burnt off down to the elbows, but the brown skin beneath seemed undamaged even as the fists were held tight enough to make the almost clawed nails draw blood. Again, something had changed, and yet she couldn't put her finger on it. Quickly, she snapped herself out of it, focusing on the situation at hand.

"Focus! Your umbilical cable has been severed, you only have a short window of operational time left. Retreat, we'll guide you to another one."

_۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔_

'_Not today, not like this you won't.'_ Shinji almost snarled as he dropped his arms back into a light guard.

Sachiel once more prepared to fire, but this time he was quicker, and leapt out of the way, narrowly landing on the street a bit away, before breaking into a run. The progressive knife was already melted out of his hands leaving him with little option as to how he was going to fight.

But he didn't care. Not anymore. Memories flooded his mind, of things he would have gladly left forever forgotten. And it all ignited the one thing that mostly lay dormant in the mind of Shinji Ikari: his rage.

Outside, he was who he was, and he kept himself away from confrontations whenever he could. His social ineptness combined with his almost terminal shyness meant that he had trouble making friends his own age, and the fact that he closed up very much made it difficult for those older than him to come through.

Without waiting for a second, he willed the Eva to rush forward, barely slipping under a misaimed blast that went over him. He had timed, regardless of the power the Angel possessed, it couldn't fire more often than every five seconds. Which was plenty of time

Inside this shell, joined soul to soul with the spirit of what was likely the ultimate engine of destruction ever to walk the Earth, it was all meaningless. The soul may have been that of his mother, but it had taken part of _hers_ as well. The layers of who Shinji Ikari was were peeled away one by one as all that remained was the core that made decisions easily. Approval didn't matter. He would rather apologize to living friends then cry before their corpses. Pain didn't matter. It served to remind him he could die, and should he fail, death would be a blessing. In that short time, every shred of weakness and frailty he had was stripped from him as Shinji ceased being simply Shinji and became something more… or less than human.

Without delay and without mercy he plunged himself into melee, having dodged the last blast, and closing in before it could afford to make a new one. Instinct that was not his own pulled at his mind, forcing him to dodge a blow aimed at his head at the last moment, but placing his own palm right on the new mask, and moving past the Angel, forcing it down.

A loud crack accompanied the crash of the fall, fractures breaking all over its second mask. Not losing control for a moment, the Angel thrust both of its arms at the Evangelion's chest, the spikes previously concealed thrusting outward at great speed and piercing straight through the chest armor, but missing the core and plug.

The restraints that covered the Evangelion's mouth snapped, and the beast let out a mighty roar of pain, grasping the Angel's arms with its own, right before breaking them at the elbows, snapping the spikes in two, while still in its chest.

With the arms disabled, Shinji pulled out the spikes, letting out a stream of red blood, right before slamming them both into the Angel's exposed core, piercing it with the same ease they had pierced him with. With its last strength, the Angel changed shape one more time, turning almost fluid as it enveloped its foe in a sphere… and detonated.

Seconds later, as the dust cleared, even if the vision was slightly distorted by the heat, there was no mistaking the victorious figure of the Evangelion.

_۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔_

The introspective he had immersed himself into did not last, unfortunately. The clicking of heels came to his door and stopped.

"He should be awake by now." He heard a female voice whisper. '_Nurse'_, he concluded, by the hushed and respective tone. From what he could remember, doctors were rarely such. Though, the tapping of padded feet, most likely those of comfortable shoes that was heard just moments before the door opened, told him that the companion was most likely male.

Who then? His father? Doubtful, the man wouldn't come to his own funeral unless it advanced his plans somehow. The bridge crew… no, they didn't have any reason to visit him. Which only left one possible option at this time.

The aged figure of Sub-commander Fuyutsuki slowly entered the room. Kozo Fuyutsuki was an interesting old man in his opinion, mostly set in his ways, but still flexible enough to survive the changing post-Second Impact world. Meticulously tidy as well. And probably the most interesting quality of all: he was surprisingly human.

"Ah, Shinji. It is good to see you're awake." The man offered cordially, a polite smile on his face.

"My sleep has been reasonably well, given everything. How can I help you Sub-commander?" Shinji retorted calmly, his face only showing his general tiredness and current apathy. He wondered for a moment if the man had flinched slightly because he had acted like Rei or because he knew his name and rank before he had introduced himself formally.

"Well, there is the issue of piloting the Unit-01." He recovered admirably, not stopping for a moment. "We still need a pilot, as we're expecting more than just that Angel to show up."

Shinji sighed slightly. He didn't really have a choice there, and that wasn't because there were thinly veiled threats hidden within the words. That was Gendo's modus operandi. No, he was bound by other issues, for him perhaps far more troublesome and worrying. For one, if he left now, Rei would be forced to sortie next time, and _she_ _would die_, leaving the headquarters unprotected, which would pretty much spell the end of things. The other was much sadder… he truly had nowhere else to go. Tokyo-3 had become his entire life, pitiful as it was, it meant to him.

"I don't suppose the alternative is pleasant?" he asked doubtfully, nodding only slightly to the man shaking his head. "Alright. I guess you've got your pilot. But I do have some terms."

"As long as it's nothing too extreme, we can likely reach a compromise." Fuyutsuki stated contently, turning to look out the window

"I hope so, sir."

"I'll leave you to rest then. Captain Katsuragi will arrive a bit later to help arrange a place for you to stay and to give you back your ID card." He spoke, finally letting the full weight of his years and experiences fall on him, slowly turning around and starting to leave. "And before I leave, thank you for what you did last night."

Just as the door closed, Shinji allowed himself a genuine smile. He had learned something of interest. Dropping his head back onto his pillow, he closed his eyes, once more descending into slumber.

'_God is in his heaven and all is right with the world.'_ He mused silently as his consciousness fled.

_۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔۔_

"Terms you say?" Gendo asked with a tone so marginally different from his usual one that only among the two of them did it pass as curiosity. Not bothering to show his ever-so-slight surprise in any other way, he picked up the black knight piece off the chessboard between them, before placing it a small distance away, taking a white pawn.

"He was decidedly vague. And left the impression that he might indeed be your son in more than just flesh. I doubt you shall find him as easy to control as you expected" Fuyutsuki responded disinterestedly, eyeing his own half of the board, before moving his bishop into position. "Check."

"I will leave it to your discretion then. I suspect that the inquiry into Section 2 produced no result?" the bespectacled man commented more than asked, placing a pawn in the path of the bishop.

"Indeed. Either they are utterly incompetent and are closing ranks to protect themselves, which I remind you is a distinct possibility or…"

"We are missing a piece of the puzzle." Gendo concluded, moving a rook into position. His mouth opened just a bit, and closed. It was a rare thing, as Fuyutsuki could count on his fingers the occasions when the elder Ikari was uncertain of his course of action. Then, the features turned into a barely perceptible, but present smile. "Check. I will have to speak with him soon. He may be more of an asset than expected."

The aged professor shook his head tiredly once more. Was that all that Gendo saw his and Yui's son as? An asset? "Be careful that it doesn't turn against you Ikari. While he may not have the experience, he is still your son."

To his surprise, the man sighed, before standing up, the game of chess momentarily forgotten. His face seemed oddly set, eyes perfectly visible behind the frames of his reflective glasses, but not in their usual intimidating fashion. It was a look he had known well, the look of a man who had come to wrestle with a monumental decision on which much rested upon. Having made his decision, he started walking towards the door, but before it had a chance to open, he turned, preparing to speak.

"Sensei, since that day I have had several agendas. A public one, a private one and personal one. You know the first two well… it is perhaps time you learned the last, _real one_."

* * *

**Author's notes:** Before I begin, the entire battle is handled via flashback, similarly to cannon. And that's likely where many of the similarities will end.

There was one thing I wanted very much to do: to state that at times it is best to let sleeping dogs lie. Shinji's victory over Sachiel in cannon was gained through act of the Eva going berserk and ripping it a new one. In said state, Unit-01 was pretty much capable of curbstomping _anything _as long as it could get even remotely close to it. Without it… well, suffice to say things aren't as pretty.

Which is why, among other reasons is why Shinji is getting his ass kicked.

To state something important as well: Shinji is not stupid. Being the son of two geniuses in their field which cumulatively had an IQ of likely over 300, it would be an even further kick from God to also make him stupid. Which, as you likely notice, is not something I'm going to do.

No comments on Gendo and Fuyutsuki. Wait and see :P

And for the end, an ambiguous statement: Hope is the bitterest of poisons. Interpret it as you will

The next chapter will have more fanservice! Or at least be longer.


End file.
